RED ALERT!!

NEWSFLASH!! A recent lecture on the UNC-Charlotte campus was littered with — that's right — COMMUNISTS! The speaker, Mike S. Adams, addresses his humble apologies to the crowd for those crazy reds.

Now, I wasn't at the lecture, so I don't know to what extent these kids were really invoking Communism, but is this even relevant anymore? Is it 1954? Luckily, at the very end of the speaker's "apology," he remembers to mention the true enemy of the day:

"And, finally, I am sorry that the money I made giving my speech at UNC-C was spent on expanding a firearms collection that will help ensure that the Adams household will not soon be overtaken by un-bathed hippy communists who seek to re-establish the world’s most vile and murderous ideology with the possible exception of radical Islam.

I am sorry if any Islamic Jihadists were offended by the previous run-on sentence. I was just trying to avoid using any sentence fragments that might make this apology sound sarcastic. I really mean that. Seriously. I do."

Good job, man. If you're sarcastic, as least you're somewhat humorous. If not. . .